Anger: When it Comes Back to Haunt You by Robyn Tamanaha, LMFT
Individuals living with bipolar disorder face a difficult challenge: Anger during an episode can come back to haunt them. An individual in their life may have seen this anger and is having a difficult time seeing them in any other light (or darkness). They may have added what they saw as part of the individual’s personality or as a defining characteristic.
How do you know this is happening?
Odds are, you probably do know because it has become a source of extreme frustration and sadness. If you are unsure, consider the following:
The other person continues to bring it up
You’re having to explain what kind of person you really are
The other person has expressed, in some sort of way, that they don’t trust you or don’t think you can improve from here on out
You feel like they see you as a monster
You feel misunderstood
What is True?
You are not your episode. This does not define who you are as a person. A large component of an episode is that the individual does things they normally would not. If you experienced an episode, there’s a possibility that other factors were occurring right before the episode or during the same timeframe, such as changes or stressors, that contributed to experiencing the episode. If the changes or stressors were negative, this could have generated an episode and fueled the anger to be experienced to an intense degree. There are multiple contributors to bipolar disorder. At a biological level, the presence of bipolar disorder is there; add in some drops of a difficult environment such as stressors or changes in routine, and the outcome can be an episode. Oftentimes, it’s about looking back on an episode to plan for future ones. No judgement, just from a curiosity standpoint. This means that the next time can be different or experienced to a milder degree because you can use strategies to manage what you’re experiencing.
What about the individual(s) I feel mischaracterized by?
You can only explain yourself so much. A large part of being understood by others is that they have a clear understanding of this diagnosis. Fortunately, there are community speakings, online resources, and therapists who can provide this information so that it is solidified. This means that the other person learns about the diagnosis and is able to separate when your thoughts, feelings, and actions are you versus your episode. If the challenge is family, there’s a treatment called Family Focused Therapy, where the therapist integrates education for the family members and family involvement/planning as a component of the treatment. If you’re finding that your social supports are not positive, check out my previous blog: When You Don’t Have a Positive Support System.
You don’t have to do this alone. I specialize in bipolar disorder. If you are interested in receiving therapy with me, let’s schedule a free 15-minute phone consult.
My office is located in Irvine, which is near Newport Beach, Orange, Fountain Valley, Costa Mesa, Anaheim, Huntington Beach, Mission Viejo, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Laguna Hills, Tustin, Seal Beach, and beyond. I work with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and Asian American & Pacific Islanders.
Disclaimer: This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. The topics being discussed are meant as a self-help tool for you own use. It is not psychotherapy or counseling. This information is to be used based on your own judgment. If you need to speak with a professional, you should find one local to you and contact them directly.
**IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE CALL YOUR LOCAL EMERGENCY NUMBER OR GO TO YOUR NEAREST EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT. **