How Do You Know When a Relationship Is Right for You? Here Are Some Signs to Look Out For

Many of my clients come to me with worries about their partners. Nothing is “wrong,” necessarily – no one has cheated, and both partners treat each other well – but they still have doubts. They still can’t help but wonder if they’re in the right relationship.

So how do you know when a relationship is right for you? In my experience as a therapist, this depends on a lot of factors, including your unique needs, perspective, and values. A relationship that’s “right” for one person isn’t going to be “right” for another. 

In this month’s blog, I’ll cover my perspective on signs that you’re in the right relationship, how to know if someone isn’t right for you, and what to do if your relationship doesn’t feel right.

7 signs that you’re in the right relationship for you

Again, the “right” relationship is going to vary widely depending on who you are and what you’re seeking from a relationship. It’s not necessarily about right vs. wrong in relationships – I focus on helping clients figure out 1. If the relationship is healthy, and 2. If the relationship is fulfilling. Usually, when the answer to both of these questions is “yes,” people tend to feel like they’re in the “right relationship.”

With that being said, here are some signs that can help you figure out if you’re with the right person for you.

You respect and admire each other

One sign that you’re in the right relationship is if you both respect and admire each other as human beings. It’s one thing to fall in love or be attracted to someone, but this typically isn’t enough to sustain a relationship in the long term. 

Do you have a deep-seated respect and admiration for each other? Can you easily describe what you appreciate about your partner, not only what they bring to your romantic relationship but what they bring to the world? Do you see each other as true equals?

In the right relationship, you and your partner genuinely like each other, which also makes it easy for you to be yourself. You feel accepted as you are, and you accept your partner as they are.

You share core values

Sharing core values is also important in the “right” relationship. Core values go deeper than interests or personality types. On the surface, it might look like you have nothing in common, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. For example, you might spend a lot of your time at the gym while your partner prefers to lie in bed and read.

Look beyond these interests and examine your core values. Maybe you go to the gym because you believe in bettering yourself, and your partner reads for the same purpose. In that case, you share the core value of self-improvement. 

On the other hand, if you enjoy going to the gym because you value physical health and longevity, and your partner does not, then this is a sign that you don’t share core values and could cause a problem down the line.

You have similar visions for the future of your relationship

It’s also important to think about future plans, even if you’re not actively planning a future together. Where do you see the relationship going, and do you both have similar visions? 

Some relationships can be “right” for you at certain times in your life, even if it’s not a relationship that turns into a life partnership. But it’s important to be on the same page about this. Are you both planning on this being a time-limited and temporary relationship? If it’s a long-term relationship, how do you envision your future together?

Especially if you’re hoping to be together in the future, it’s important to talk clearly about your vision. It’s okay not to know about the details yet. But if you hope for a childfree life traveling around the world and your partner dreams of settling down with a large family, then this may not be the right relationship for you.

There is no abuse or manipulation

If there is any abuse or emotional manipulation within the relationship, then this is not the right relationship. Abuse and manipulation includes things like physical abuse as well as gaslighting, repeated betrayals of trust, financial abuse, threats, and more. 

Being in an abusive relationship is complicated, and you likely have very real and complex reasons for staying. It is not your fault, and you do not deserve judgment. At the same time, you deserve to be in a relationship in which you feel safe and loved for who you are.

If you aren’t sure if your partner’s behaviors are abusive, talking to a therapist can help.

You can disagree about some things

Being in the right relationship doesn’t mean that you agree about everything, all the time. In fact, I would say that it’s just as important, if not more so, to know how to disagree about things within a relationship as it is to agree.

What happens in your relationship when you and your partner disagree? Are you able to talk about your differing opinions without personal attacks? Do you feel secure in your relationship after a disagreement? Do you feel like you can agree to disagree about some things without it shaking the foundation of your relationship?

These are all good signs that you’re in the right relationship. On the other hand, if every conflict puts your relationship into crisis mode, or if you are so afraid of disagreeing that you avoid conflict altogether, then that could be something to keep an eye on.

You’re both satisfied

In the right relationship, you’re satisfied both sexually and emotionally. This doesn’t mean you need to be intimate with your partner multiple times a day. Different people have different needs. The important thing is that your partner fulfills you and makes you feel satisfied, and you for them.

Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that your partner can meet every single one of your emotional needs. You’ll probably still have times when you need emotional support from your friends or family, for example, and that’s okay!

You trust each other

Trust is a core foundational aspect of any healthy relationship. And a betrayal in trust, whether it’s infidelity, financial secrets, or something else, is one of the hardest things for couples to bounce back from. If you feel like you can trust your partner – to be honest with you, and to have your best interests at heart – then this is a good sign of a healthy relationship.

Sometimes, we can have a hard time trusting in relationships not because our partner is untrustworthy or has betrayed us in any way, but because we’ve had past experiences that have made us unable to trust others. In these cases, it might be the right relationship, but the wrong time. It’s difficult to sustain a healthy relationship if you’re unable to trust, but therapy can help.

Mental health therapy for relationship doubts in California

To an extent, it’s normal to have doubts about a relationship. But becoming overwhelmed with doubts is uncomfortable, and it can also be caused by an underlying mental health disorder. 

Either way, I can help. I work with clients in California who are uncertain about their relationships, whether romantic or friendships. Many of my clients are high achievers in their professional lives, but need some extra support when it comes to their social and romantic lives – and that’s okay! I’m here to support you, whether you need a place to untangle past and present experiences that have led to this uncertainty, or you need specialized treatment for an underlying health condition like OCD or anxiety.
Whenever you’re ready to get started, get in touch with me to schedule a free consultation call. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

I provide online therapy in California. My office  is located in Irvine, which is near Newport Beach, Orange, Fountain Valley, Costa Mesa, Anaheim, Huntington Beach, Mission Viejo, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Laguna Hills, Tustin, Seal Beach, and beyond. I provide video therapy to individuals who live in California, including Orange County, San Diego, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, San Francisco, and more. I work with OCD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and Asian American & Pacific Islanders.

Disclaimer: This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. The topics being discussed are meant as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy or counseling. This information is to be used based on your own judgment. If you need to speak with a professional, you should find one local to you and contact them directly.