Mental Illness and Feeling Defective by Robyn Tamanaha, LMFT
When an individual is living with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc, they might view themselves as defective, faulty, flawed, or deficient. Sometimes, the symptoms they experience lead them to this conclusion, but other times, their view of themselves might be influenced by earlier experiences.
Influences
There can be multiple experiences that lead an individual to feel as if they are defective. Some possibilities include:
Expectations and rules regarding how they should present themselves: These can be placed onto the individual by people closest to them, such as family members. These expectations and rules might be communicated through messages that the individual picked up on as they grew up.
A lack of response from important/significant people: An individual might have shown their feelings, or shared their struggle, to family members; however, the family members might not have heard, validated, or attended to the individual and what they shared.
Rejection: Oftentimes, rejection from the most significant people in one’s life are the toughest to endure. An individual might have been told that their feelings are not okay to show to others, or not okay to have at all, and they might have experienced feeling like an outsider because of it.
A significant event: The memory of a particular event might stick with the individual. This could be an event with someone outside of the family and social circle, where the individual felt shamed, embarrassed, or unsafe. The person(s) involved might not be in the individual’s life anymore, but the impact it had has left a stain that has stuck with the individual.
Way of Being
Early experiences might not only lead the individual to feel bad about themselves, but also impact how they move through this pain. The individual could be left beside themselves, suffering in silence, with thoughts such as, “No one cared before, why would anyone care now?” The individual might be in conflict with wanting to reach out to others while also feeling like it’s unsafe to do so because of earlier experiences. These thoughts can prevent or hinder the individual from exploring and processing their earlier experiences and managing their mental illness.
You Are Human
Mental illness is important to talk about. I have made a career out of it because I believe it is that important. But it’s important to keep in mind that talking about mental illness is so much more than what an individual’s diagnosis is—we are humans, so we are much more complex than that. Tied to it are experiences that have shaped how you feel about yourself. And how you feel about yourself is not just a symptom. It’s an experience, a significant event, an emotional wound, a trauma, or an invalidating environment. Including this into your discussion about your experience with mental illness is important. And, there are safe people to explore this with, whether it be a trusted friend or mentor, specific family member, partner, or therapist. Each of these can help in their own unique ways, such as a friend providing a listening ear, or a therapist who validates what you’re going through and assists in helpful skills when the distress arises.
You don’t have to do this alone. If you are interested in receiving therapy with me, let’s schedule a free 15-minute phone consult.
(NOTE: This video was filmed when my office was at a previous location. I am now in Irvine, CA)
My office is located in Irvine, which is near Newport Beach, Orange, Fountain Valley, Costa Mesa, Anaheim, Huntington Beach, Mission Viejo, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Laguna Hills, Tustin, Seal Beach, and beyond. I work with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and Asian American & Pacific Islanders.
Disclaimer: This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. The topics being discussed are meant as a self-help tool for you own use. It is not psychotherapy or counseling. This information is to be used based on your own judgment. If you need to speak with a professional, you should find one local to you and contact them directly.