Tips on How to Set Healthy Boundaries When Your Loved One is Living With Bipolar Disorder by Robyn Tamanaha, LMFT
What is it?
Everyone has days when they’re not feeling their best, or when they feel different than the previous day. Given certain events or situations, anyone’s mood could suddenly change. A stressful family event may leave an individual on edge or feeling sad. Deadlines at work or school can drain an individual’s energy or patience, leaving them emotionally frazzled, or acting more worried than usual. A person may just wake up one morning feeling like they’re in a funk. This experience passes shortly, and the individual will be able to bounce back to how they originally were.
In bipolar disorder, the shifts in mood that the individual experiences are more severe than ordinary mood swings. The length of time that the mood shift can last can be 4 days, 7 days, or more (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition). The person does not bounce back immediately, and there is a recovery period. In order to uncover whether a feeling is due to a mood swing or is instead a symptom of bipolar disorder, it’s important to look at the details, such as the level of intensity of the emotion and how it’s expressed.
Considerations for Boundaries
It is possible to have a relationship that includes boundaries when your loved one is living with bipolar disorder. There might be times when the boundaries fluctuate, such as if your loved one is in a crisis, but overall, healthy boundaries can be achieved.
Support versus Doing it For Them
Do you feel like a caregiver or parent instead of a partner? Reflect upon all of the tasks that you are doing for your loved one. After taking an inventory of the things that you are doing for them or things that you feel you are responsible for, go through each item and ask yourself:
1) Can they do this on their own, or 2) Could they do it on their own if they started practicing it?
Then, explore with your partner what they would like as support. Does it include helping them get started on a task, then having them take over? Does it include encouragement so that they can gain independence in the task?
Support versus Personalizing
It can be automatic for a loved one to take it personally, or have their mood affected, if their loved one is experiencing extreme emotions. It can be helpful to take a step back and separate the person versus an episode. Just doing this one action is an act of support. Is what you’re seeing or experiencing with your partner out of character for them? If so, they might be in an episode and manifesting symptoms. This is where education about bipolar disorder can be helpful. Treatment is also an option that can be helpful; there is individual, family, and couples therapy for bipolar disorder.
Support versus Relationship Responsibility
You can be supportive to your partner and engaged in your relationship without being responsible for it. Support can include acceptance and empathy for your loved one’s experience and your portion of the relationship. But, keep in mind the type of relationship this is and what composes a relationship. Each partner's responsibility can fluctuate from time to time, but a relationship does not include one person holding the entire relationship together most of the time.
You don’t have to do this alone. If you are interested in receiving therapy with me, let’s schedule a free 15-minute phone consult.
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Disclaimer: This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. The topics being discussed are meant as a self-help tool for you own use. It is not psychotherapy or counseling. This information is to be used based on your own judgment. If you need to speak with a professional, you should find one local to you and contact them directly.
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