What to Do When You Don’t Have a Positive Support System by Robyn Tamanaha, LMFT
In a previous blog post Is my social support system is a good one, I provided questions to reflect on when evaluating your social support system of friends, family, partner(s), loved ones, etc. What if the answer to most or all of the questions provided in that blog is “No?”
What if I Don’t Have Any Positive Social Supports?
Depending on your current life circumstance, living arrangement, family dynamics, or availability of friends, the social supports you have in your life may be limited or nonexistent. You may be left beside yourself, feeling alone. When an individual is living with a diagnosis, such as Depression or Bipolar Disorder, a lack of positive social supports can complicate the struggle that is already existing. Social supports that are not positive can fuel feelings of rejection, being misunderstood, or can add on stress.
What Can Be Done
Hope is not lost. If you do not have available positive social supports, there are individuals and groups of people who will be there for you and can fulfill this need. Think of this as a surrogate family and create your own network of individuals and people who will be a “yes” to the questions in the previous blog post.
Who Are They? Where Can I Find Them?
People who share common interests with you. Do you have an interest in something specific such as, basketball, video games, cooking, learning a second language (the list of goes on)? There are adult sports leagues, language classes in the community, cooking classes, meet ups, etc, where you can bond with individuals with the possibility of them becoming a positive support figure for you. If they are not a “yes” to the questions in the previous blog, you will at least most likely still get the positive benefit of being involved in one of your interests.
Support groups. This is where other individuals will be able to understand your experience living with a diagnosis because their story will have similarities to yours. Notice I put “similarities.” You will get to hear each other’s unique experience living with a diagnosis and learn about each other’s personal story and/or struggles. There are many organizations in the community, such as NAMI and the Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) that hold support groups in your county. Is online your preference or do you live in a remote location? DBSA has online support groups, where you get to speak with a live group leader and group members.
Group therapy. These are led by a mental health professional who is guiding the day’s topics and discussions. Through this, you get to learn about group members’ unique stories and struggles, while also learning about a diagnosis and/or specific issues from the mental health professional. Individuals find this both informative and supportive.
Individual therapy. Whether or not an individual has positive supports, an important component in supporting your overall success is gaining an understanding of and strategies for managing your symptoms while, at the same time, gaining confidence and learning to trust yourself. Individual therapy is where you get learn about how to rely on yourself as a support system. This is also where you will get to reflect, talk, and work through any struggles or pain from social supports who may not have been helpful in your life. Oftentimes, individuals come to therapy because they’re struggling with important individuals in their life who they may or may not currently live with, while at the same time figuring out how to move forward in their life so that they can obtain a fulfilling future.
You don’t have to do this alone. If you are interested in receiving therapy with me, let’s schedule a free 15-minute phone consult.
(NOTE: This was filmed when my office was at a previous location. My office is now in Irvine, CA)
My office is located in Irvine, which is near Newport Beach, Orange, Fountain Valley, Costa Mesa, Anaheim, Huntington Beach, Mission Viejo, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Laguna Hills, Tustin, Seal Beach, and beyond. I work with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and Asian American & Pacific Islanders.
Disclaimer: This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. The topics being discussed are meant as a self-help tool for you own use. It is not psychotherapy or counseling. This information is to be used based on your own judgment. If you need to speak with a professional, you should find one local to you and contact them directly.
**IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE CALL YOUR LOCAL EMERGENCY NUMBER OR GO TO YOUR NEAREST EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT. **